Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
