my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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