giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
