A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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