Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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