I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
