I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
