i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
