I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
