after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
They have beer where we have blood.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
