3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
