Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
