i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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