Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
