the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
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You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
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Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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