covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
