Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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