found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
