Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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