i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
