she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
