And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
