you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
