my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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