Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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