Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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