If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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