we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
