i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
