I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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