Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
