Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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