just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
