i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
