I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
