I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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