i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
