Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize