guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
The air taste purple.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
