did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
