I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
