she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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