you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
