i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
