It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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