I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
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he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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