I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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