The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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