i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
