I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
