I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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