I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
We're too hungover to prance.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
