you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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