At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
