ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
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Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
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I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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