do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
