if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
