i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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