I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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