cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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