My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
