Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
