I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize