just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
