did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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