I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
