I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
