Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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