why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
