Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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